June 24th: The plan was to babysit Baby Z from 1pm to ??? Before that I went to church by myself (Mike had to work) and then I made an emergency trip to Target, where I purchased a pregnancy test. Keeping in mind that my son may read this at some point, I will keep the feminine details limited--safe to say--I had reasons to purchase a pregnancy test. Pessimist that I am, I thought for certain that the test would be negative and that I could continue on with my day of babysitting.
Got home, took the test and was amazed to see that it was positive. Just to be safe, I took another one. Positive. In my own special way, I was pretty excited. Although you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at me. I delicately put the tests back into the box for safekeeping and then paced for a bit in the house. Then I just started to giggle, as I realized that I now had to go babysit a 7 month old for about 8 hours. God is pretty funny sometimes.
Thankfully, the babysitting went quite smoothly and Baby Z and I had a great time. And, I managed to not blurt out my news to John, Dara, or her mom.
I had spent the whole day babysitting, but also spent some time thinking of how to tell Mike the big news. I thought of all different kinds of options--but the easiest one was to drive over to where he proposed. I got home around 11:30, only to find him already in his pajamas and pulling the covers up. I freaked out a little because getting him to change out of that setup can sometimes be complex. I sweetly asked if he wanted to go do something sentimental and to not ask any questions. To my surprise, he said, "Sure." As he got ready, I quickly took another test---I didn't want to be wrong!
We finally arrived to the area along the cliffs where he had proposed 9 years earlier. It was really nice, the night was almost exactly how it was the night we got engaged. Anyway, I told him that I wanted to come out there because this is where we started our life together as a family and I wanted to tell him at this spot that we were about to add to the family. It was a very surreal experience, almost like getting engaged. He was really surprised and said that he thought I just wanted to drive out to this place to remember our engagement....
Here is a picture of us on our honeymoon.....
**
The day afterwards I was a mess. I called my lady parts doctor and her phone number was disconnected. I had to call our Pastor's wife to get a recommendation on who to use as an Ob/Gyn. She was quite helpful and I was soon on my way to making an appointment. I couldn't believe that they didn't need to seem until 8 more weeks. I found it so hard to believe that with something as big as this, they didn't want you to come in to make sure you peed on the stick right or something. And thus began my long journey of trying to trust in God to take care of my baby, and to not rely on myself. I still have not mastered that.
A few days later, and after taking 2 more pregnancy tests to make absolutely sure, I decided to tell my parents. This was a very fun experience. It was one of those moments that I had envisioned for a really long time. I couldn't believe that it was finally here! (Which you can totally tell by my behavior in the video below).
Telling our other close friends was also really fun. Since this was a "project" that had been 9 years in the making, I tried to tell each of my friends/family in a special way. There were some people like Heidi, Kristi, and Dara that I just couldn't wait to tell and just blurted it out. That was just as fun. But telling Karen was just as exciting as telling my parents. I remember fondly (that is a horrible cheesy word, but it is the only one I could think of) her telling me about each of her 3 pregnancies. Actually, she didn't do a very good job of hiding her "What to Expect When You are Expecting" when she was pregnant with Josh--I scoped it out in her bag within minutes of her arrival at our Westwood apartment and began an immediate inquisition. With Hannah, I was sitting at her computer at the Bland house and she proudly placed a positive pregnancy test in front of me. I remember Mike and I both hoping that she had cleaned it. :) I believe that Sophia's arrival was declared in a phone call, but I ended up being there for her birth--which was pretty amazing.
In any case, especially after the last 12 months, I was so thankful that she was actually here to give this news to! I decided to wait a couple of weeks (they ended up being very long, excruciating weeks of keeping a secret) until I saw her in person. We have a tradition of giving each other a small inexpensive gift everytime we see one another--I decided that one of my many pregnancy tests would be a suitable "shampoo present." It was very exciting and we both tried to not cry because that is not what we do.It was also very fun to share the news with Mike's mom--definitely wished that Mike could have been there as well, but here is how that went:
***
After the process of telling everyone was over, it was now time to get busy being pregnant. Much of the first trimester involved me constantly worrying whether or not the baby was alive. All the books said this was "normal." But I think I took it to the next level. I remember feeling very relieved after the first doctor's appointment when we got to see the 22 millimeter image of our 1st baby!
I never got sick (well, I threw up once), I was just really, really, really tired for 14 weeks. I didn't feel like doing anything and many days I would have to excuse myself from the office and go lay down in the bedroom for a little bit. Many weekends were spent laying in bed in front of the TV. I actually got tired of watching television. Those who know me well will find that shocking! ** On August 22nd--right in the home stretch of my 1st trimester, I went to the doctor again. First I went to Dr. Fisher, my Ob/Gyn and I got to hear the heartbeat. That was such a relief. I was having horrible headaches for several days leading up to the appointment. I was so stressed and convinced that there was going to be a problem....mainly that there was going to be no heartbeat. After my appointment with Dr. Fisher, I went to see another doctor, who did an ultrasound. My mom came along to that appointment. It was really fun having her along. I realized we had not been to the doctor together since our last trip to the cardiologist when I was 18. I was suddenly flooded with all of these memories of driving to the cardiologist during the summer to get an EKG done and make sure everything was in order.
Anyway, it was really fun having her there, and she was super excited about everything. During the ultrasound, we managed to figure out that there is an 80% chance we are having a boy. It looked pretty clear to me....Too bad I don't have a clear picture of it here, but these are the images that we saw during the appointment:
I was cracking up, because the doctor said our baby was "very mellow" and looked very "relaxed." He kind of looked like he was sleeping; he just looked very comfortable. Often like his father does when he has fallen asleep. I am hoping that the mellow trend continues.
**
The day after the appointments we went to Seattle to visit our friends. It was really fun, somewhat tiring. And if I was not fed in appropriate increments, things went wrong pretty fast.
**
On September 2nd, I reached the 14 week point. I have already felt a marked difference and am looking forward to regaining more strength, energy, and the desire to cook. I really miss cooking.
In summary, I still can't believe that there is something growing inside me, or even more profound that it is going to grow into a human being. It really is a miracle. Today, I had to put something on my calendar for April 2008. It was strange to think that I will have a baby by then!.......
